I'm Joyful...

The excursion is the same when you go looking for your sorrow as when you go looking for your joy.

-Eudora Welty-

Part 1

It's that time of year again, a week after my birthday.  I don't indulge myself often (I guess I feel that it's a weakness to dwell too much on things that I can't change) but I was thinking that my world's just not as funny as it was before 3 years ago and there's one less person in the world who loves me unconditionally.  Three years ago, my self-absorbed little world got rocked on its axis and it will never be the same.  And although my grief is not a living thing engulfing every breath I breathe anymore, I'm still sad.  So feeling quite a bit melancholy and not one to keep such feelings to myself, I had a conversation with God that went something like this:

Me:  If this is what getting old means, it stinks. 

God:  Beth, I'm not sure where you're going with this. (I envision him shaking His head in a "here we go again" manner.)

Me:  Well, when someone you love dies, it leaves this huge gaping hole of sadness.  Does this mean that every time someone dies, I just get sadder and sadder until I'm just an old sad woman?  Kind of like a black hole, where the sadness eventually outweighs all the good stuff as people I love around me die?

And this is the response that He gave me:

God:  Aahhh Beth!  (said with a very indulgent expression) when you're a child of God, I fill those holes with joy so instead of the sadness overtaking you, my joy fills you up. 

Psalms 30:11 says "You have turned my mourning into dancing, you have turned my sorrow into joy."  It was yet another opportunity for God to take those things that tie me to my earthly life and turn my eyes to heaven.

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